What if
by TooSexyForMyHat
Summary: Blaine's bi-curious adventure with Rachel. Told from Kurt's point of view. Starts off at the end of "Blame it on the alchohol". Smutty!Kurt and Klaine.


**Title: **What if

**Pairings: **Kurt/Blaine, Rachel/Blaine

**Contains: **Smutty!Kurt/Klaine, Bi-curious!Blaine, Fluffy!Klaine

**Summary:  
><strong>  
><em>Kurt's heart raced as Rachel approached the oblivious Blaine. He watched carefully as Blaine turned to face Rachel with that gorgeous smile that made Kurt's heart stop for a second every time he did it. <em>_"Hey Rachel, what's going o-" Blaine started but Rachel interrupted him by pressing her lips against his in an eager kiss. Kurt tried to calm his nerves by taking a sip of his coffee all the while he was watching the scene from his chair. __As Rachel pulled away, Blaine looked baffled. He started at her blankly for a couple of seconds. Wonder was flashing over his face. Kurt couldn't help but hold his breath. Why didn't he say anything?__"Wow, Rachel…" he finally said. Kurt's brows furrowed down in a worried expression. "Was that a good wow?" she asked him. Kurt couldn't see her face, but she sounded eager and hopeful. It made Kurt a bit angry. "I… I think so…" Blaine said, still looking very wonderstruck.  
><em>_Kurt's jaw practically fell to the floor. Did he just say that he liked it?_

* * *

><p>"I've got a bad feeling about this, Rachel." Kurt said as he watched his so-called "friend" eagerly applying tons of lip balm to her hungry lips. "I mean, I don't mean to be so cold, but I don't want you to get hurt either… There's no victory in this for me either way," he continued.<p>

Rachel who had been glancing over her shoulder now turned around again to face Kurt. "Who cares about you, buddy? I might be getting a new boyfriend who can keep up with me vocally and in the future give me vaguely Eurasian looking children!" she said. Kurt chose to ignore her speech as his eyes zeroed in on the boy entering the busy coffee shop.  
>"There he is," Kurt said as Blaine approached the counter to get in line. "Dreamy as ever," he couldn't help but add. He felt a couple of nervous butterflies in the pit of his stomach mixed with the increased beatings of his heart that would occasionally occur when he saw Blaine. "Okay, wish me luck!" Rachel said with an eager smile and got up from her chair.<br>Kurt smiled carefully at her but it faded as soon as she turned away from him. Even though he was fairly certain that Blaine was gay he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable about the situation. Something inside him was truly nervous about the fact that the man of his dreams may not be gay after all. But he was also nervous about Rachel getting hurt if Blaine wasn't. Even though he was mad at her for trying to steal Blaine away from him, he still kind of cared for her.

Kurt's heart raced as Rachel approached the oblivious Blaine. He watched carefully as Blaine turned to face Rachel with that gorgeous smile that made Kurt's heart stop for a second every time he did it.  
>"Hey Rachel, what's going o-" Blaine started but Rachel interrupted him by pressing her lips against his in an eager kiss. Kurt tried to calm his nerves by taking a sip of his coffee all the while he was watching the scene from his chair.<br>As Rachel pulled away, Blaine looked baffled. He started at her blankly for a couple of seconds. Wonder was flashing over his face. Kurt couldn't help but hold his breath. Why didn't he say anything?  
>"Wow, Rachel…" he finally said. Kurt's brows furrowed down in a worried expression. "Was that a good wow?" she asked him. Kurt couldn't see her face, but she sounded eager and hopeful. It made Kurt a bit angry. "I… I think so…" Blaine said, still looking very wonderstruck.<br>Kurt's jaw practically fell to the floor. Did he just say that he liked it?

"Uh. Do you… Do you maybe wanna get some coffee and go somewhere else where we can talk?" Blaine then said to Rachel and gestured with his hand towards the counter. "Sure!" Rachel said happily. Kurt was still too shocked to do anything but stare at the scene. Suddenly he remembered that he had to breathe and drew in a sharp breath just to end up in a coughing fit. Both Blaine and Rachel stared at him while he was trying to catch his breath again. They were both in the front of the line, Rachel smiling at Kurt who had just managed to regain his breath.  
>Blaine handed the coffee to Rachel and smiled at Kurt. "Hey Kurt, see you later," he said and smiled while his eyes shone into Kurt's soul. He had to close his eyes for a second when they met Blaine's. "See you," he said while trying to keep a straight face.<br>He felt the tears burning behind his eyes as he began to realize what had just happened.

**. . . .**

That night Kurt just sat in his bed and stared at his phone for hours. His fingers kept leading him back to Blaine's number but he couldn't get himself to call him. He was dying to hear what was going on and at the same time he didn't want to know. He was dying to hear Blaine's voice but at the same time he knew it would hurt too much. Once again he felt the tears burning behind his eyes but this time he let them loose. Suddenly he couldn't control it and started sobbing. He quickly turned around on the bed and buried his face in his pillow. He wouldn't risk anyone hearing him and wanting to know the reason he was crying like a baby.

At last there was no more tears left to cry and he was a little out of breath. He took a deep breath as he tried to gain control of his emotions once again. His pillow was wet and he was sure his eyes were all puffy. He sighed as he dried his eyes in his sleeve and got up to get in his pajamas.

He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. His fingertips slightly brushed his skin leaving goose bumps along the way as he did so. He folded it and elegantly threw it across the room where it landed in his laundry basket. His hand had now wandered to his shoulder and was subconsciously massaging it while he was lost in thought. He had caught sight of himself in the mirror and yes, his eyes were indeed quite puffy. Once again his hand wandered down his chest, further down his stomach, and to his belt. He followed the hand with his eyes in the mirror as he unbuckled the belt. He hesitated and stopped to study himself in the mirror.  
>He looked miserable… He felt miserable. He felt vulnerable, too, standing half-naked in front of the mirror. He turned away from his reflection. What would Blaine say if he saw him like this?<p>

He continued undressing as he unzipped his pants and started pulling them off which was quite difficult seeing as they were always really tight. His mind kept lingering on the thought of Blaine. What _would _he say if he saw him like this? Half-naked… Would he like it? Would he like… Him?  
>He tossed the pants in the basket, too, and found his pajamas in the drawer. He tried to shake the thoughts of Blaine but instead the pictures kept coming stronger in his mind. Pictures too graphic for a supposedly innocent mind like Kurt's. He was actually quite shocked. But then again, it wasn't the first time that had happened. Ever since he met Blaine the pictures had been coming back to him continuously.<br>He took a deep breath as he stepped in to his pajamas pants and tried to get rid of the pictures. This wasn't a good day to be invaded by dirty thoughts. He didn't want to think about Blaine anymore tonight. But his pulse was rising and his heart was beating faster in his chest. He could feel his cheeks getting warm as he crawled in to his bed and turned off the lights.

He firmly closed his eyes and tried to relax but somehow that just made the thoughts come stronger to him. Blaine's breath softly against his cheek. His lips against his neck… his ear… his lips. It was almost as if he could feel the warmth of his body even though there was no one there. Blaine's hands running down his chest… over his nipples and down his stomach… to his navel and further down… Kurt was firmly gripping the sheet by now. He could feel the blood rushing to his lower parts and to his cheeks as well as he realized how much his fantasy had turned him on.  
>He sighed as he let his hand slide under his sheet and past the hem of his loose pants. He closed his eyes and thought about Blaine…<p>

It didn't take too long before he was done. Just the mere thought of Blaine could have done the job actually. He reached out for his night drawer and cleaned himself off in the dark with some of the tissues he had hidden there. This thing was quite new to him actually. With tissues in the night drawer and stuff… It hadn't been necessary before he met Blaine. He'd always been able to control himself and wait till he was in the shower – and even then he didn't do it too often. But with Blaine came all the passionate thoughts - which he had never experienced with such force before – and the urges to be touched and loved. His longing for Blaine's love and touch was practically always invading his thoughts. And so he had to be prepared because – like just now – he just couldn't control his mind when it came to Blaine. He was actually quite embarrassed about it but there was nothing he could do.

He got up, threw the tissue out, and crawled back in to bed again. At last he could think clearly. Unfortunately that only led him to the thought of Rachel… and Blaine.

**. . . .**

The next day Kurt was insistent on avoiding Blaine as much as possible. He even skipped practice with The Warblers. It went very well avoiding him physically seeing as Blaine was a junior, which meant they didn't have any classes together. He had a hard time avoiding him in his mind, though. Even though he didn't want to see him, avoiding him also made him miss the sight of him. It was torture.  
>When Kurt was done with his last class he hurried down the hallway towards the main entrance. The thought that he had actually managed to avoid Blaine all day had just passed his mind as he heard the all-too-familiar voice call out for him.<p>

"Hey Kurt! Wait up!" Blaine's voice called out.  
>Kurt wanted to pretend that he didn't hear him and walk on, but he knew as well as Blaine what there was no way he wouldn't have heard it. He paused and waited for Blaine to catch up with him.<br>"Hey, are you okay?" Blaine asked when he stopped to a halt next to Kurt. He lightly put his hand on Kurt's shoulder and shot Kurt a worried look. Kurt had to look down, afraid he might be blushing from the combination of Blaine's worried eyes and the touch of his hand. "I'm fine." He just said. "But I didn't see you at Warbler-practice today," Blaine removed his hand and followed Kurt as he started walking towards the exit. "I was busy… Lots of homework," Kurt said and concentrated on not making eye-contact with Blaine. That would probably reveal his lie. "Oh…" Blaine just said.

"Listen, do you wanna go and grab some coffee?" Blaine then asked. "Oh, um…" Kurt hesitated, "I'm really busy today, so…" "Please, Kurt," Blaine said trying to get eye-contact with Kurt, "It'll be my treat. I need to talk to you." Kurt sighed. He wished he knew how to resist Blaine's puppy eyes. "Okay, then…" he said.

**. . . .**

Blaine put the coffee down in front of Kurt and sat down across the table. "So?" Kurt said in a tone a little more harsh than calculated. Blaine bit nervously down on his bottom lip. Kurt couldn't help but study his lips as he did so. They looked so soft… He quickly cleared his throat and shook his head to focus on what Blaine was about to say. "Well… Look, I know you don't like the idea of me and Rachel… But… I really like her and…" he started but then trailed off. "I think we've had that conversation before, Blaine," Kurt said, annoyance pretty clear in his voice. "I know, but… I don't want to lose you, Kurt," he said, looking deep into Kurt's eyes. A low gasp escaped Kurt's lips before he could hold it back. "I-I don't want to lose you either," Kurt answered. A heart-warming smile spread on Blaine's lips for a couple of seconds, then his expression turned serious again.  
>"This is what I want, Kurt. Will you please accept it? As my friend?" Blaine then asked him. The last word stabbed into Kurt's heart like a sharp knife. Friend. Of course he wanted to be Blaine's friend, but he also wanted to be so much more than that… His boyfriend, his lover, his soul mate.<br>"So… You and Rachel are dating now?" He just asked him. "Are you mad?" Blaine said as his eyebrows furrowed down in a worried expression. He wasn't mad. He was hurt… Hurt by the fact that Blaine was now dating Rachel after one drunken night but didn't even want to give it a chance with him when he had told him about his feelings. "I guess not," Kurt then answered, "If that's what you want."  
>Blaine smiled at him. "Thanks Kurt," he said. Kurt just smiled back at him while his heart slowly fell apart.<p>

**. . . .**

For the past two weeks Kurt had been trying to act normal around Blaine. For Blaine's sake. He'd said he'd accept the fact that Blaine now had a girlfriend, and so he had to pretend that he did. It was getting harder and harder every day, though. The fantasies had been coming on stronger and stronger every day and Kurt wasn't getting better at controlling them. That was the reason he hadn't slept that much for the last three days. Every time he was trying to go to sleep, a Blaine fantasy disturbed his mind. He'd eventually have to do his business and then try to go to sleep again. Maybe he'd then fall asleep for a couple of hours but then of course he'd just _dream_ about Blaine instead. That, again, caused him to wake up all sweaty and… Hard. And so he had to do it all over again. It was getting to the point where it was becoming painful. He was now at the verge of despair because he didn't know what to do.  
>Unfortunately he was suspecting the fact that he was now lusting even more after Blaine - seeing as he was totally out of reach - to be the cause of the problem. And there wasn't anything to do about that.<p>

It pained him every day to listen to Blaine's rant about something regarding Rachel. He knew he'd told Blaine that he would accept it but that didn't mean he wanted to hear about it all the time. Why didn't Blaine understand that? A few times Rachel had been at Dalton to pick up Blaine after school. The pain that went through Kurt at those moments was indescribable… And to think that he thought Blaine would be the one to save him from all of his pain.

**. . . .**

He was sitting in the living room with his dad and Finn watching football. Not that he ever did that. He just didn't want to be alone in his room. He couldn't handle any more Blaine fantasies.  
>Finn had been giving him a weird look as he'd sat down next to him asking what they were watching, but he didn't care. He'd be here as long as he could if it prevented the thoughts from invading his mind.<br>Finn got up from the couch to get something in the kitchen and as he did so, his arm brushed against Kurt's. Normally he wouldn't pay attention to it but now his mind was already starting to make the connection between the brush of Finn's arm and the possibility that it could've been Blaine's arm as well. Kurt stared firmly at the screen and blurted out, "So what's the score?" Burt gave him a questioning look and opened his mouth to answer, but Kurt didn't hear the answer. His cell phone was ringing, spreading the sound of "Single Ladies" out into the living room.

He fished the phone out of his tight-as-ever pants and glanced down at the screen. His heart skipped a beat. It was Blaine. He picked up and lifted the phone to his ear with a shaking hand.  
>"H-hello?" he said and cursed himself for stuttering. "Kurt? Hey, it's Blaine." Blaine's gentle voice sounded in the other end. "What's up?" Kurt said, "Weren't you supposed to be with Rachel tonight?" He didn't want to hear about Rachel, but he was truly wondering why Blaine would call him now.<br>"Well… That's the thing. Rachel got sick and cancelled on me…" Blaine said. Kurt hesitated, "Okay?" he said without really knowing where this was going. "We were supposed to go to that Chinese restaurant, you know? And I booked a table so… I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? Haven't eaten all day and my mom hasn't made dinner for me because I said I was going," Blaine then said. Once again Kurt's heart skipped a beat. "Kurt? Are you there?" Blaine said when Kurt didn't answer, "It's okay if you don't want to go, I just… I don't know…" "No, of course I'll go with you!" Kurt then said a little too eager. Finn who had just re-entered the room with a big bowl of popcorn was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "Really?" Blaine said in a tone just as eager, "Great! Then I'll meet you in half an hour, okay?" "Sure!" Kurt answered. Blaine hung up and Kurt stared at his phone.  
>He knew that Blaine was dating Rachel and that he shouldn't be excited about this, but he couldn't help it. He hurried to his room without a word to both Burt and Finn who were equally confused.<p>

**. . . .**

"So… How've you been, Kurt?" Blaine asked as they sat facing each other at the restaurant. They had just placed their orders, both ordering sushi, and now an awkward silence was invading them.  
>Kurt was surprised about the sincerity in Blaine's voice. He spoke as if he actually knew what was going on. Kurt thanked Gaga that he didn't. "W-what do you mean? We see each other every day…" Kurt said and tried to lighten the mood by shooting Blaine a teasing grin. Blaine, though, kept looking at him with his piercing eyes that could look directly in to his soul… at least it felt like that. "I just… I don't know… You don't seem like yourself these days… You are kinda absent. Like your mind's always somewhere else…" Blaine said as his triangular eyebrows furrowed down in a worried expression. "Oh…" Kurt just said. It was hard not to be absent when his mind was constantly invaded by inappropriate pictures of him and Blaine… But he couldn't tell Blaine that. "Are you sure you're okay?" Blaine said. Kurt glanced at Blaine's hand on the table which moved slightly as if he were going to reach out for Kurt's hand but then stopped himself in his tracks. Kurt forced a smile, "I'm fine."<p>

Blaine looked at the waiter arriving behind Kurt with their food.  
>They both looked at the sticks placed in front of them. "So are you good with sticks?" Blaine said and grinned. Kurt smiled, "I'm the master of sticks." "Oh, really?" Blaine teased and raised an eyebrow. "Then you better prove it," he smirked and nodded towards the sticks in front of Kurt.<br>Kurt smiled as he picked the sticks up and then elegantly picked up a piece of sushi. He dipped it in the little bowl of soya and slowly placed it in his mouth. Triumphantly he smiled at Blaine who looked quite baffled. Kurt noticed that he was staring at his mouth. "Oh God, did I spill something?" he said and quickly dried his mouth with his hand. Blaine shook his head, "What? No… I was just… Spacing out, I guess," he then said. If Kurt didn't know better he'd say that Blaine's cheeks were slightly red. "Are you alright?" Kurt asked him. "I'm fine… Okay, you're good with the sticks," Blaine quickly said and picked his own pair of sticks up.

When they were almost done eating, somehow an awkward silence slowly crept up on them once again. It was weird because there was never awkward silence between them. There could be silence but it wouldn't be awkward. Now it felt like they were both hiding something from the other. Kurt glanced at Blaine who was staring down at his plate. Suddenly he was worried that Blaine was about to tell him something… Something about him and Rachel. He knew Rachel wanted to save it for marriage but he couldn't help but worry. He felt like he couldn't be sure of anything anymore. He'd also been sure that Blaine was gay…  
>Blaine was still staring down at his plate and Kurt was still watching him. Blaine picked up his last piece of sushi and elegantly placed it in his mouth. His eyes flickered towards Kurt and their eyes met for a second before Blaine looked away again. He lazily let one of the sticks stay in his mouth and bit down on it. Kurt's jaw dropped a bit as he watched how Blaine subconsciously started nibbling on the stick. He could feel his mind working with the pictures that Blaine provided him and he quickly looked away again. This was neither the time nor the place for those thoughts…<br>"So! Are we ready to pay the bill?" Kurt said and clasped his hands together as to shake himself out of the inappropriate thoughts. Blaine shot his head up and stared at Kurt for a couple of seconds without saying anything, still with the stick in his mouth. "You want to go?" he said, an underlying disappointment ringing in his voice. Kurt sighed. "Blaine…" he said, "We don't talk. I don't know why, and you don't have to tell me, but—" "I'm sorry!" Blaine burst out.

Kurt sighed. "For what?" he asked. "For the… awkwardness. I'm just not quite… Myself," Blaine said, looking rather confused. Kurt couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He looked like a puppy who'd lost its favorite toy. "It's okay," he said and tried to send Blaine a comforting smile. He wasn't sure if he managed to do so or if it just turned out to be a weird grimace.  
>Kurt opened his mouth to tell Blaine that he still thought they should ask for the bill – He really needed to be alone with his sick brain which could only contain dirty thoughts at the moment – when Blaine suddenly bended forwards and slammed his head down against the table just an inch away from his empty plate. Kurt let out a shriek of shock and stared at Blaine as he sat in front of him with his forehead placed against the tabletop.<br>"Blaine? W-what are you doing?" Kurt said. Not sure if he should be worried or amused.  
>"I'm so confused, Kurt," Blaine spoke into the table. Kurt had a feeling that <em>he<em> was even more confused than Blaine but he didn't say anything. He just waited for Blaine to continue.

Blaine raised his head again and sat up straight. Kurt noticed a little red mark in Blaine's forehead but he didn't say anything. It wasn't the time for teasing comments.  
>"I know you don't want to hear about it… But I don't know who else to talk to…" Blaine said.<br>Kurt raised an eyebrow, still waiting for Blaine to reveal his thoughts. "I know you're still mad at me for dating Rachel," Blaine started. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just…" Kurt trailed off. _"I'm just in love with you,"_ he meant to say, but he couldn't. _"I'm just thinking about you every second of every minute of every hour of every day…"_ he thought. "I just… I really like her," Blaine continued when Kurt didn't say any more. "Yeah, you've said that," Kurt mumbled. "No, you don't understand…" Blaine said and looked desperate to get him to understand. "I really think that we should discuss this somewhere else…" Kurt said as he looked around in the little restaurant, but Blaine just kept talking. "I didn't think I could, you know. I thought I was gay… But kissing her… It feels nice…" he said. Kurt wanted to stick his fingers in his ears and sing out loud. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't understand why Blaine had to tell him this.  
>"I just—" Blaine continued but this time Kurt interrupted him, "Blaine, I really think we should ask for the check now!" Before Blaine could protest, Kurt got up and went to the counter to pay.<p>

**. . . .**

Heading home in the car the awkward silence was back again. Kurt felt bad about interrupting Blaine. He wanted to be there for him, but he just couldn't handle hearing about him and Rachel. It hurt too much. Kurt bit his lip to keep from crying right there in front of Blaine. He managed to get control over his emotions again. Luckily. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry I was so short with you in the restaurant, Blaine. I guess I just… Panicked…" he said. As soon as he said it, he knew he'd said too much. He shouldn't have reason to panic. "You panicked?" Blaine said. His voice was hoarse like he'd been about to cry, too. "Never mind!" he said quickly. "But—" Blaine started but Kurt interrupted him, "Why did you think that you were gay, Blaine?" he asked him. "Huh?" Blaine said, confused about the turn of the conversation. "I mean," Kurt said, "You said that you _thought_ you were gay… So what made you think that?" Kurt took his eyes off the road for a second to glance at Blaine. He looked baffled. "I… I don't know… I guess… I thought I was attracted to men…" Blaine said hesitantly. "But you're not anymore?" Kurt asked him. "I don't know… I mean…" Blaine desperately buried his face in his hands. "Are there _any _men you find attractive? Think about it, Blaine," Kurt said. His heart automatically started to beat faster. Blaine didn't answer. "I just know that I like hanging out with Rachel, okay? She's sweet," he said instead and took his hands away from his face.  
>"I just don't think there's any reason to think that you're straight just because you think kissing Rachel feels nice. You've never kissed a guy, have you?" Kurt said and tried to ignore all of his thoughts overlapping each other with inappropriate thought about how it would feel to kiss Blaine. "No, but…" Blaine said, Kurt interrupted him once again, "I'm just saying… Maybe it'd feel a lot more than 'nice' if you kissed a guy." As he said it he could feel the heat spreading in his cheeks. He hoped Blaine didn't notice.<p>

They were now at Blaine's house and Kurt pulled in to the sidewalk. "So you just want me to go and kiss a random guy to figure out if I'm gay or not?" Blaine said with disbelief in his voice. Kurt sighed, "I'm just stating my opinion, Blaine… And I'm not saying you should kiss a random guy, just…" he trailed off. "Just what?" Blaine said, anger in his voice, "You?" he said in a harsh tone of disbelief.  
>Kurt was shocked. "I didn't mean to say that," he said tonelessly. "Kurt, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that!" Blaine said desperately when he realized what he'd said. "I think you should go, Blaine," Kurt just said. "No, Kurt, listen—" Blaine started. "No, Blaine. Just go," Kurt said. Blaine stopped talking and nodded. He silently got out of the car and Kurt drove off…<p>

**. . . .**

As Kurt got home he hurried to his room, tears springing from his eyes. Blaine's words had made it pretty clear that he'd never in a million years consider kissing him. Kurt could feel his heart slowly shattering into a thousand pieces along with his dream of being with Blaine. He threw himself on his bed and buried his face in the sheets. He couldn't hold his loud sobs back so he muffled them in the soft fabrics.

**. . . .**

The next day Kurt avoided Blaine. He deliberately skipped the classes where he knew there was a chance that he'd run into Blaine. He normally didn't skip classes but he couldn't stand the possibility of meeting him. He didn't want to hear his apologizes and bad excuses for saying what he said. It didn't matter. He was too tired to listen to him anyway.  
>He hadn't slept all night due to his desperate sobbing which had lasted all night until there were no more tears left to cry. After that he'd just been lying in his bed, whimpering and feeling sorry for himself. He knew it was pathetic but he just couldn't help it.<br>What was worse, though, was that he still couldn't control his smutty thoughts and pictures. Even though he didn't want to think about Blaine his brain had forced him to. He'd felt humiliated every time he'd cleaned himself up and started sobbing again. He didn't know that it was humanly possible to feel so terrible. Apparently it was.  
>When the morning had arrived and he hadn't slept at all, he had seriously considered skipping school, but then Carol had forced him to get up, mistaking his puffy, red eyes with tiredness. He didn't mind, though. He didn't want to explain it all to her anyway. So he'd got up and gone to school.<p>

Blaine was constantly trying to call him during the day but Kurt ignored it. He also skipped Warbler's practice though he knew he shouldn't. When Blaine started texting him instead of calling, Kurt abandoned his phone to the bottom of his backpack. He didn't want to read whatever he'd written to him. Not a word.

****. . . .****

After school he hurried out of Dalton as fast as possible. He didn't want to risk running into Blaine like the last time he'd been trying to avoid him. This time he got out without meeting him. He got into his car and headed towards McKinley High. He had an old appointment with Mercedes and though he didn't really feel up to it he didn't want to cancel on her. He'd ditched her enough in order to hang out with Blaine.  
>He didn't even get why Blaine was trying so hard. It wasn't like he didn't have any other friends. Blaine had lots of friends… and he had Rachel, too, now. So what did he need Kurt for? Kurt sighed and started getting mentally prepared for being happy and fun to be around when he met Mercedes… It wasn't that easy.<p>

When he arrived at McKinley the parking lot was filled with students who were heading home. They were all gathered in their own little small groups. Kurt recognized most of them… There were some science geeks, some cheerios… Kurt froze when he saw the small group of jocks. He quickly scanned over them, his heart racing, but there was no sign of Karofsky. Kurt sighed a sigh of relief and sped up a bit to get across the parking lot faster and into the school.  
>As he was passing down the halls of McKinley he felt the old fear gripping him again, though. He felt as if there might be a slushie coming his way every time he turned a corner. He made it safely to the choir-room, though, where he'd promised to meet Mercedes.<br>Kurt's eyes were nervously glancing down the halls, always on guard. He wondered why he'd agreed to meet Mercedes here instead of just at the mall or something but he couldn't change that now. Suddenly he froze as he saw a familiar figure strolling towards him.  
>Blaine. What was he doing here? Kurt wanted to hide but he couldn't move. Blaine, though, hadn't seen him. He was looking rather lost actually. Kurt forced himself to move and hid behind a locker. He peeked out, though, so he could still see what Blaine was doing. As Blaine came closer it hit Kurt that he was probably here to meet Rachel. He felt a wave of despair washing over him but he chose to ignore it as he saw a couple of jocks catching up with Blaine from behind. He knew very well the look in their eyes as well as he knew the drinks in their hands. Slushies.<p>

Kurt wanted to do something but they were already ganging up on Blaine, backing him in to a locker. Kurt was filled with rage as he watched them pour the slushies all over Blaine. He had a terrified look in his eyes and looked rather helpless as they left him in his soaked Dalton-uniform by the lockers.  
>Kurt forgot everything that'd happened between him and Blaine for the past weeks and hurried to the terrified boy. "Blaine! Are you okay?" Kurt cried as he reached him. "K-Kurt? W-what are you doing here?" Blaine stuttered. "That doesn't matter right now, come let's get you cleaned up," Kurt said, grabbing Blaine's hand and quickly leading him to the bathroom.<p>

Luckily most of the classes were over for the day so no one was in the bathroom when they entered. Blaine seemed too shocked to say anything really, so Kurt just grabbed some toilet paper and started mopping the slushie off Blaine's face with it. They'd really gone overboard with the slushies this time. It was just… everywhere. Even in his perfect triangular eyebrows.  
>As Kurt was cleansing his face Blaine just looked at him with his big brown eyes. Kurt felt his blood rushing to his head as they made eye contact so he quickly looked away. "We'd better take this off," he said and pushed the blazer off of Blaine's shoulders. It was completely soaked and all sticky. "My mom just washed it yesterday…" Blaine suddenly said, as Kurt turned on the water and started rinsing off the worst of the slushie. "What?" Kurt said, eyes fixed on the blazer.<br>"I'm sorry, Kurt…" Blaine said. Kurt didn't answer. He really didn't want to talk about it. He couldn't be mad at Blaine right now as he was filled with an unbearable feeling of love and care for this poor boy. He loved him so much it physically hurt.  
>"I shouldn't have said what I said… I didn't mean it like that," Blaine continued. "It doesn't matter, Blaine," Kurt just said when he realized that Blaine wouldn't stop talking about it if he didn't answer him. "What matters is that you're okay," he continued.<br>"I'm fine," Blaine said, "Just a little shocked that's all… Wasn't expecting _that_." "I kinda got used to it when I went to McKinley…" Kurt said. "That's horrible, Kurt," Blaine said. Kurt could feel Blaine's gaze upon him and felt his cheeks burning. He turned to the hand dryer and hit the button to dry the water off the blazer. "There," he said as he returned the damp and somewhat still sticky blazer to Blaine. "Thanks," Blaine said and smiled at him. His pants and his shirt were still soaked in blue and red slushie, though, but Kurt wasn't going to take _that_ off… even though he really wanted to.

"So, you're here to meet Rachel?" Kurt said. "Kurt, I really want to talk about what happened last night," Blaine just said instead of answering his question. "Blaine, it doesn't m—" "Yes, it does, Kurt. I hurt your feelings and I'm so so sorry," Blaine interrupted Kurt. "God, you have no idea…" he muttered and let out a frustrated sigh. Suddenly Kurt's eyes zeroed in on a piece of slushie still stuck in Blaine's hair. Without thinking he stepped forward and took it out. "You had some slushie…" he muttered and smiled apologetically. Blaine caught his gaze and smiled at him. "Thanks," he said again. Then his expression turned serious again. Kurt caught a glimpse of frustration in his eyes.  
>"You know, I didn't mean what I said…" he then said still holding Kurt's gaze. "What <em>did<em> you mean then, Blaine?" Kurt asked him without knowing where he'd gotten the courage to ask him that question. Blaine let out a sigh. "I guess I meant that… It's not that I don't want to kiss you, it's just that… the thought of kissing _you_ is just…" Blaine trailed off. Kurt was waiting for Blaine to say "wrong" but he didn't say anything. Honestly Kurt just wanted to get yet another rejection over with so he said, "Just what, Blaine?" "Just… Too good to be true," Blaine then said, still holding Kurt's gaze but somewhat managing to look completely shy and exposed at the same time.  
>Kurt's world stopped spinning as he stared at Blaine. Did he just say what he thought he did? Kurt was about to say something to get Blaine to confirm that he'd actually said that sentence, but his brain cut him off and suddenly forced him to launch his body against Blaine's, catching his surprised lips in a desperate kiss.<p>

Blaine stepped back for a second in surprise but then quickly processed what had happened and slung his arms around Kurt's waist. Kurt's brain had switched off and was now completely running on autopilot. All the things that he thought he'd feel during his first real kiss like self-consciousness and awkwardness melted away during the first two seconds of the kiss. Then he relaxed into Blaine's arms and melted against his lips. His hands found their way around Blaine's neck and he pulled him even closer. They had both completely forgotten that they were in a public bathroom and the fact that someone could walk in on them any second. Neither of them seemed to care. The rush he felt as he was kissing him was better than anything he'd ever felt in his entire life. Kurt could feel that he was in need of air but he didn't want to ever feel his lips separate from Blaine's.  
>Blaine slowly pulled away, though, looking slightly out of breath. "Kurt, I…" he began but stopped again and bit down on his lip. Kurt smiled carefully at Blaine. Even though he didn't know what Blaine was going to say, he couldn't ignore the joy and hundreds of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach right now. Blaine had actually <em>kissed him back<em>. "I can't do this to Rachel…" Blaine said and looked down at his feet. Kurt stared at Blaine. He didn't want to listen to the words coming out of Blaine's mouth. He wanted to react on the signals that his body was sending him. Even though Blaine's mouth was saying "no", everything in his body language was screaming "YES!"…From the way he was still slightly leaning towards him, the flush of redness that had spread across Blaine's cheeks, to the way his lips were halfway parted and his tongue was unconsciously wetting them like he was getting ready for round two.  
>Blaine gazed up at Kurt's face again, looking torn. Kurt couldn't help but move his gaze to Blaine's lips. He was invaded by the strong urge to kiss him again; he could feel even more blood running to his cheeks as he thought of the feeling of Blaine's lips against his own. "I-I need to go, Kurt… I'm sorry," Blaine said and picked his blazer up off the floor where he'd dropped it as Kurt had kissed him. He hurried past Kurt and stormed out the door. Kurt was left wonderstruck, his brain still not functioning quite yet.<p>

**. . . .**

The weekend passed all too fast and it became Monday once again. Kurt had been a blur of conflicting emotions ever since the kiss between him and Blaine. Once moment he would be floating around on a cloud, completely happy about the fact that he had kissed the man of his dreams… The next moment he would be completely in despair because of the fact that Blaine had run off to be with Rachel.  
>They hadn't seen each other since the kiss and Kurt really didn't know if he was looking forward to it. It would definitely be awkward, but he could help being a little bit excited to see Blaine again. At least to see how <em>he<em> reacted to the whole situation.

Kurt was shaking slightly as he entered Dalton that morning. He was expecting to see Blaine any second and he was more nervous than ever. He didn't see him, though, and as the day slowly passed and Blaine wasn't at Warblers practice either, Kurt realized that Blaine might have chosen to stay home to avoid their conversation. His heart sank in his chest as the thought occurred in his mind. Now he wasn't looking forward to Blaine coming back to school again. He knew it'd be awkward as Hell when they'd finally have to face each other. At least if Blaine thought it was so bad that he decided to stay home.

**. . . .**

As Kurt drove home after school, he felt crappier than ever. This morning it seemed as if his situation would somehow just for once turn out for the better. Guess not.

Kurt sighed as the turned the key and let the silence take him in as he cut the motor out. As the car door slammed shut and he turned around, Kurt noticed someone on his front porch. His heart started beating fast in his chest when he realized that it was Blaine. He took a deep breath before he proceeded to the house.

"Hey," Blaine said awkwardly when Kurt was within hearing distance. "Hi," Kurt simply replied and smiled carefully. He didn't know what to expect from this. "I didn't see you at school today," Kurt said. One corner of Blaine's mouth turned up in a slight smile before his face turned serious again. "Can we talk?" he then said. "Sure," Kurt said, "Do you want to come inside?"  
>"There's no one home yet," Kurt added when Blaine hesitated. Blaine nodded and followed Kurt into the house. "Do you want anything? Soda? Coffee?" Kurt asked him, while he took off his coat to hang it on the rack. "No thanks, I'm fine," Blaine just said. Kurt really didn't know why he was this polite. He wasn't usually like this with Blaine… and it wasn't as if Blaine hadn't been to Kurt's house before. Maybe he just wanted to lighten up the awkward atmosphere.<p>

They went up to Kurt's bedroom because Kurt wouldn't risk Finn coming home. It was safe to say that Finn wasn't exactly thrilled about Blaine after he had started dating Rachel. It wouldn't exactly ease the tensed mood if Finn came home while they were talking.

"I broke up with Rachel," Blaine said, as soon as he'd placed himself at the edge of Kurt's bed. Kurt couldn't help but smile even though he didn't know yet what that would mean to him. "Oh…" He said. "I'm sorry," he continued and turned his smiled off as he realized how insensitive he appeared. "Thanks," Blaine said and smiled though his eyes were sad.  
>"You know, I really just liked the idea of me being straight… The look in my parent's eyes when I told them that I was dating a girl. How happy they were when I brought Rachel home… My dad was so… Proud. I've never seen him like this since I told him I was gay," Blaine said and looked down. Kurt could tell that it was hard for him to share his thoughts like this, so he didn't say anything. He could feel that all Blaine needed right now was for him to listen. "He actually told me that he was glad I 'finally came to my senses'… Not that I liked it when he said that but for once I felt… Accepted," Blaine continued. "I broke up with Rachel yesterday. Haven't told my parents yet… I can't bring myself to do it." Kurt noticed the tear rolling down Blaine's cheek and he reached out for his hand and squeezed it lightly.<p>

A couple of minutes passed where no one said anything. Then Blaine broke the silence.  
>"Kissing you, I just felt… Whole. It felt nothing like kissing Rachel." Kurt could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, he smiled slightly, still holding onto Blaine's hand without thinking about it. "I've always known that I felt something for you, Kurt… But I've never wanted to screw it up with you. I care too much about you. With Rachel I didn't really know her that well before dating her, so there was nothing there to screw up. We weren't friends to begin with… and it just seemed so much easier with her… You, on the other hand. You're my friend. My best friend actually. And I… Didn't want to lose you if it didn't work out."<br>Kurt was stunned by the words that had just left Blaine's mouth. He didn't know what to say. It was like he didn't know how to form the words and let them out. He'd forgotten the actual mechanisms of speaking.  
>"You were always so sure of yourself, knowing exactly who you where all along. I really admire that about you. Until you kissed me, I wasn't sure that you actually still liked me… because you saw how weak I was… How I couldn't figure out who I was…"<p>

"And kissing me made you change your mind?" Kurt finally managed to say. "No, it made me want to take the chance. I can't fool myself anymore. Not after that kiss…" Blaine said. "I'm _that_ good, huh?" Kurt smiled. Blaine just laughed while squeezing his hand. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you in the process of figuring out who I was and what I wanted. It was really selfish…" Blaine said and looked into Kurt's eyes while his own shone with sincerity. "I forgive you. I guess I understand why you did it," Kurt said and gave him a reassuring smile. Blaine smiled back at Kurt and started leaning in. Just before his lips reached Kurt's he stopped and looked at Kurt with questioning eyes. "Can I?" he half-whispered. Kurt answered him by closing the distance between their lips that had been longing for each other for so long.


End file.
